:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
