Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it penis luge time yet?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize