TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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