and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
