What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER