We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...