I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
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It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
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Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.