that's an acceptable place to lick
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?