I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
