We're facebook friends in real life
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I did not marry a roomba.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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