His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
