im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The best revenge is premature balding
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
