I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
