can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
