did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
