So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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