The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
