yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
