My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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