We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
