hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i now understand why vodka
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
