Three words: puerto rican gang bang
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
