Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
