so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
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