why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
