First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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