just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
