When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my sisters under your porch take her home
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
