dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
