my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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