i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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