my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
