So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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