Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
