Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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