Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
