dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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