Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
