im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
