Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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