Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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