I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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