in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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