Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i dont even know how to be here
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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