Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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