It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
