i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He shit in the fireplace
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
