I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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