i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Are we still banned from the library?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
