i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
