this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
