she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
