Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Semen is not good for contacts.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My breasts were aching with rage.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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