would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
