I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
