I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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