Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Acid is not a monday night drug
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
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They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
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TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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