I can tuck mytits in my pants
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
