just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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