then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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