Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
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Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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