Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
