Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
