why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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