why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
