SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
