your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
