mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
