My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
